• Opinion

StreamLines – Swimming Parents: Problems Or Partners in Potential? A Coaching Choice

^{StreamLines is an exclusive column for State of Swimming by Wayne Goldsmith. An influential figure in swimming for the past 30 years, Wayne lives a passion for helping swimmers, coaches and parents / carers to learn to love the sport of swimming. A respected educator, writer, mentor and coach, Wayne takes an innovative and evolving approach to connecting people with rewarding and enjoyable aquatic experiences.}

Follow Wayne on: X – Twitter / Facebook / LinkedIn / YouTube

StreamLines No 2 – Swimming Parents – Partners in Potential

I’ve been doing sporting parents* lectures, workshops, seminars and presentations all over the world for the past 30 years. 

Over that time, I’ve spoken with parent groups in South Africa, Spain, England, Scotland, Ireland, Canada, South Korea, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, the USA and just about everywhere in between. I designed, developed and delivered the world’s first – and only – Sporting Parents online training course. 

Want to know something? 

None of it works! 

It’s time for a different approach. 

I mentor a group of 25 talented New Zealand swimming coaches. Included in the mentoring program are one-on-one discussions where the individual coaches and I connect to talk on all things coaching and swimming but the coaches themselves determine the actual session topics. 

Of all the topics we could cover in those one-on-one discussions….training, workout design, talent development, coaching methodologies, the use of swimming equipment, periodisation, dryland training, the application of technology / AI to swimming….of all the hundreds of swimming issues we could potentially investigate in those face-to-face mentoring meetings, problems with swimming parents account for almost 70% of the sessions.

Having been involved in the sport for over 30 years, I know that if I ran the same coach mentoring program anywhere in the world, that number would be very similar. Swimming parents can be – to be blunt – coach killers. Not literally of course, but the stresses and strains between the parents of swimmers and swimming coaches has been and continues to be one of the most challenging and difficult aspects of swimming coaching everywhere.

Increasingly, coaches are walking away from the sport, not because they don’t love coaching but because the complexities of managing the relationships around the pool are just too demanding and stressful. 

Why is this the case and more importantly, are there better ways to build and grow a sustainably successful swimming program where swimmers, coaches and parents can work together with a clear, unambiguous goal of helping each and every swimmer be all they choose to be?

“Their kids, their time, their money” (John Leonard)

I am not the first to address this issue – far from it. 

Swimming coach and educator, John Leonard, retired former head of the American Swimming Coaches Association, made this observation many years ago: 

“The reason why parents and swimming coaches clash is that the three most important things to any parent are their kids, their time and their money. We (swimming coaches), coach their kids, at inconvenient times and charge them to do so”.

John Leonard – Photo: Family Treasure – courtesy of Swimming Australia

Swimming is not the only sport to experience the challenges between parents and coaches. A quick Google search “Parents and Gymnastics” or “Parents and Tennis” or “Parents and Football” will reveal that the parent relationship issues swimming coaches often struggle with are replicated almost universally by coaches coaching in other sports around the world. 

Sporting organizations, clubs and coaches across the globe have all tried to solve the parents vs coach problem through a variety of mechanisms with limited impact.

It is this realization that’s led to the necessity of adopting a different approach. 

Sporting Parent Seminars All Over the World for 30 years – What Have I learnt? 

I’ve delivered hundreds of sporting parent events for swimming, rugby, triathlon, tennis, water polo and many other sports. I’ve learnt several things through these experiences including:

1. Education sessions – for the most part – do not work. Sitting and listening to an expert as they present 30 slides on “what good parenting is” – does not actually change parental attitudes or behaviours.
2. Identifying the real problems is not the challenge. The divisions between coaches and parents in all sports comes down to five basic problem areas:
   1. Expectation management – parents expecting their kids will rise to swimming superstardom at too young an age;
   2. Lack of appropriate communication  – coaches and parents not communicating effectively or appropriately at the right time or in the right way;
   3. Unrealistic views of the talent of the child – particularly if that child showed early, precocious success;
   4. An over-focus on performance – parents and coaches being overzealous on pursuing the competitive side of the sport rather than on creating the environment where the child falls in love with just swimming;
   5. A lack of understanding of the sport and sport in general.
3. 99% of parents are not terrible or aggressive or negative or “bad” or want to deliberately cause problems for the coach. They want what the coach wants and what the swimmer wants from a particular, personal angle: to see their child happy and flourishing in an aquatic environment.

I’ve tried the “I’m going to tell you what you’re doing wrong” approach with little or no real impact. 

The alternative and a much better solution to the swimming parenting problem is “I am going to partner with you and together we’ll do all we can to help your child”.

An alternate approach – Parents as Partners!

What if, instead of seeing parents and carers as adversaries, we invited them to become part of a team – our team – a partnership – where we – coaches and parents all work together with single, uncompromising commitment to help each and every swimmer be all they choose to be: A partnership of potential!

Let’s re-frame the parents and coaches equation. 

How many times as a coach have you wished you had assistant coaches, analysts and more people around the team who could contribute to your success and to the success of every swimmer in the squad? 

In every pool and around every team is a ready and for the most part willing workforce who could, with a bit of guidance, training and connection, become the most powerful asset in your program….parents!

Here’s three strategies you can employ to re-shape the parent narrative and build stronger and more effective working relationships with the parents of the kids you coach:

1. Bring your parent group closer to you and the team by giving them meaningful and relevant work to do that will benefit everyone. For example:
   1. Why not have your parents record video of the competition performances (nb: with the knowledge and permission of meet organisers in accordance with the rules in place where you operate) of their swimmers and upload it to a central storage / file sharing location for later analysis? Several great APPS are now available which provide this capability including GOSWIM TV and COACH NOW.
   2. Why not invite parents to play an active role in recording training data and uploading it to a central storage location so that swimmers and coaches can access, view and analyse it after training?
2. Meet with your parent group regularly. Keep them informed and updated. Be available and open to discussions and feedback – HOWEVER – set some clear guidelines around availability, e.g.
   1. Discussions with the coach should not happen on pool deck during training so that the coach can focus without interruption on the safety and the performance of every child.
   2. Schedule coach-parent interviews quarterly to keep communication lines open and effective. 
   3. Parent and coach meetings can be scheduled by appointment (then offer a link to an online scheduling service like Calendly).
3. Think of the parents of your swimmers as an integral part of your “team”. In discussions, conversations and communications, start referring to the parents in the same way and in the same context as you talk about the swimmers and the coaching staff. Include parents in meetings, workshops, seminars and training events. When you think about and when you talk about the “team” – it’s swimmers, coaches AND parents – one team, one vision, one goal.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking…..”this guy has lost his mind! He doesn’t know the parents in MY program”. 

Trust me when I say, I get it. 

I may well have lost my mind – that’s what 30 years in this business can do to you, but I’ll tell you what’s even crazier…doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

It is well past the time we tried to do this another way.

Summary and Conclusion:

• The things that unite us are greater than the things that divide us. Ultimately, parents, carers, coaches, officials, administrators….we all want the same things: to give every swimmer the opportunity to fall in love with the sport of swimming and to realize their potential. 
• We’ve tried to manage the swimming parent and swimming coach relationship many, many ways….lectures, workshops, books, courses, newsletters….trust me – they don’t work. And in any case, the parents who usually engaged with these education opportunities are the positive, invested, supportive parents anyway!
• We’ve tried the “no parents on deck” – and that failed. We tried the “drop the kids off and go” thing – that didn’t work. We tried the “Parents Code Of Conduct” routine and even that didn’t change anything. Let’s face it! The PARENTS VS COACHES adversarial approach doesn’t work, never has worked and it’s time for a change.
• Why not turn the parent and swimming coach relationship on its head? Embrace parents as partners in potential and performance. Actively engage them in the coaching and swimmer development process. Educate and inform them on how they can directly contribute to the realization of their child’s potential and progress both in and out of the pool.

What have we got to lose?

^{(*Note – for the purpose of this article the term PARENTS refers to an adult or adults responsible for the care and safety of a young swimmer).}

---

StreamLines No 1: The Case For Coaching & Making Swimming The Place To Be & Grow In

Follow Wayne on: X – Twitter / Facebook / LinkedIn / YouTube